I've been thinking.......
With all of the gimmicks, gadgets, diets, supplements, and more to place you back into those jeans you have been holding onto for decades, one would believe this is the year to master that New Year's Resolution. But it won't. It can't. You see, you are a sum of your parts, a WHOLE being; mind, body, and heart/spirit/emotion.
Focusing on just one part of yourself is nothing more than setting yourself up to fail. Why you may ask. Because in order to master your mind, you must discover all held deep within your heart. Like the book, The Bear Went Over The Mountain, say it with me, "You can't go over it. You can't go under it. You MUST GO THROUGH IT!"
Yes, that is correct. The only way to achieve those resolutions is with deep REFLECTION. Very little is mentioned about the need to go within the heart to truly master the mind.
Heart? You may be wondering!
Did you know that your heart tells your head what to do, not the other way around? The heart transmits information to the brain which can influence one's:
perception
emotional experience
higher mental processes
(if you are interested in learning more go to, heartmath.org)
With that in mind, go inward and ask yourself, Who am I?
Now, don't allow the common response of your name, profession, family dynamics, etc. cloud the response. Go deep within and add emotion to that question.
Find a mirror and stand in front of it. Seriously. Take a good look at yourself. Feeling awkward? Shame? Is your Self-Critic piping in with messages of other things to do, a waste of time, being selfish, or perhaps identifying all of your physical flaws? Where is your focus right now, in this moment?
Now shift your attention from what you SEE with your eyes to what you FEEL within your heart. What self-sabotaging, critical messages are you telling yourself at this moment? Is your heart racing, feeling sweaty, brain fog, heaviness, or other sensations? Your goal is to be aware, that is all! Simple right? Not at all!
Like any habit-forming exercise, change doesn't happen overnight. It takes commitment and belief you are worth the time spent within your heart reflecting. Like exercise and muscle strength, the repetition of reflection builds stronger connections within your brain, enhancing your superpower; neuroplasticity (think brain wiring). Yes, you can rewire your brain for life.
This new year, shift your focus from solely focusing on all of the outward attributes you would like to change, to include your inward needs of self-discovery and grief recovery. After all, we are emotional beings first, think heart, in a very head-driven focused world, think brain/intellect.
Here is an exercise to set you in motion. Look back at 2023 seeing the heartache of loss through the lens of life lessons. Grab a piece of paper and write down all of the losses you faced. Think change not only the death of a loved one. For example, loss of relationships, divorce, health, finances, trust, job, infertility, birth, empty nest, retirement, etc. Next to each experience listed, write the life lesson it brought to you and the emotion it elicited within your heart.
Take your list and identify three lessons you would like to carry forward into the new year and apply. How will you do that? Under each lesson, write down three baby steps into achieving.
May your 2024 be filled with REFLECTION-filled ACTION STEPS of self-compassion, forgiveness, and love. KNOWING and BELIEVING you are enough. You always have been!
Here are a few resources to get you started:
Open Up Your Soul's SMILE, Kim Buehler Jones
Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay
The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith, by John W. James and Russell Friedman